Midnight Thought

Everything is gonna be fine.

Midnight thought strikes.
Watched an inspiring video this afternoon. And reread my old "Gratitude" post.
I'm so satisfying that time, how come I become this down again?
I seriously hate my mood swing. It swings damn lot, damn frequently.
Where's that me who think she owns the best?
Where's the little girl who're so satisfied with her life?

I'm still me, I think now I've turned greedy.
Or maybe because I met new people and I started to care again.
I mean....caring people I'm not supposed to.
I care if they care. I hate this.

I'm stuck at home, I didn't really care having a job.
Although I'm in serious money debt...... I still hang out a lot, cafes jumping.
I'm too free and there's so many time that my brain gone out of control.

Quoting my facebook latest status "看人家幸福就好想結婚，看人家孩子可愛就好想生孩子 /..\"
In english it means : I wish getting married seeing blessed couples, and I wish to have a child just because I saw people's baby is cute.

That feeling of settling down, getting myself a home is getting stronger everyday.
Not that I'm so urge to get married.... I just want to have my life corrected.
I'm not born in a good family, I mean.... not a perfect family.
Nothing's perfect, I know....

I remember my parents being so loving to each other. Caring each other much.
We spend every weekends leisurely.
My mom cooks good food, I miss having her delicious homecooks with my family, peacefully.
We love going everywhere, I miss having roadtrip to just any places with my family, peacefully.

I know it's bad, spreading negative feelings to other people. But just let me...... I'm breaking down....

"The way you choose to feel is the way your life is going to be."
It's not that I don't want to be happier.
I remember how my life is so fulfilled. I remember how I'm so satisfied.
That feels really great. I know it's me who choose how to feel.
But I can't get back to there....
I can't just.......be simply happy.

I'm stuck.
I'm suck.

I actually know, what's the major problem that caused all this.
I just refused to know.... I refused to take any action against this.

Why is it so hard, to have the simplest happiness? like a child.
Maybe it's time to leave, and get back to track.
What is done is done. it can't be undone.
What is undone can be prevented, it can stay undone.

在傷害沒到達最高點時，瀟灑點，離開吧。
我總是這麼說，卻總是不瀟灑。


ahfen wrote ♥